I've been really disappointed and upset with the amount of disinformed vitriol the Program (AA) receives in social media spaces.
I recommended it to someone in a local sub Reddit and was absolutely bombarded by comments calling it a parasitic religion or a cult.
It is none of those things.
I very patiently addressed every question and accusation and ended up getting blocked and banned! It was a very off putting experience.
And it's not just randos on Reddit.
I've heard Sam Harris (among others) put down AA by saying that statistics show that statistically, people have a better chance of quitting on their own than through AA.
This is such insanely flawed reasoning that it's hard to even take it seriously.
The Program is for people who have been consistently UNABLE to quit on their own.
If someone can just stop drinking on their own, they don't need AA.
It's like saying a doctor who specializes in trying to cure hopeless, incurable diseases, doesn't have a very good track record. 🤦♂️
Yeah! Because they are trying to do the impossible. They are trying to produce a miracle!
People are almost never moderate about this. There are those who believe AA is the only way that works, and those who think it's terrible, or even hate it.
What I have seen over the years is that people are inclined to think *this is the only approach that worked for me, so this is the only approach that works*. In other words, they project their shit onto other people.
I try to be impartial. I often say to clients, "I don't care how you get sober. I care that you get sober." I don't need them to do what I did. I want to help them find a way that works for them, and that is sustainable.
Some people in my world see me as a heretic because of this. I don’t fault them because there was a time when I thought the same way.
We see this black and white thinking (which, by the way, is a symptom of codependency) not only with paths to recovery, but within Twelve Step programs.
Some people believe you should work the steps slowly and methodically. Others insist you should get through them all in one day. Some say someone should only sponsor others if they have been sober for at least a year. Others believe you should should start sponsoring others right after you blow through the steps in 24 hours.
I'm reminded of something I used to hear from old-timers very early on in my recovery, "I resigned from the debating society."
I strive for moderation and where it's hardest for me to stay moderate is the value of getting sober with group support. I don't swim alone. Then again I got sober in 2003 under the guidance of an old timer in a meeting where he was being sponsored by another old timer. They had what I wanted. I asked them how they got it and shamelessly copied their work. Then he nudged me to sponsor sooner than I felt able. Over two decades later we still aren't friends but have all been to each other's weddings and our lives our immeasurably richer. I doubt a sobriety app would have done that.
I lurk in Reddit once a month or so and wonder how many of those folks really want to get sober or are just window shopping for sobriety. It's always easier to tear something down than build and sadly social media is often where nuance goes to die.
Holly Whitaker (Quit Like a Woman) really did a number on AA in sobriety circles for the young-ish (under 40) crowd. She writes (I’m paraphrasing) that AA is anti feminist, that admitting powerlessness is succumbing to the patriarchy.
I *found* my strength in admitting the powerless. And it didn’t have to get weird, either. If I drank, I wanted more. End of story.
So many of my friends struggle and struggle and struggle but haven’t found themselves in the rooms because of these stereotypes. Alas. I will say, these friends come to me to talk - especially during particularly brutal hangovers - and I am here — the only copy of the big book they may ever see, as they say.
Thank you. I’m continually impressed by the depth of simple accessible wisdom in the Big Book, 13+ years into my own sobriety journey.
I will add a pitch for the Joe & Charlie Tapes, though I suspect it’s a particular kind of alcoholic that feels the same affinity as I do for them. I just love how unpretentious they are, plus there is something about the timelessness of it: that these men from a different era and culture from me can speak to the same issues I and others face. I know, though, that not everyone gets the same warm fuzzy feeling I do listening to AM radio, so it’s probably more an acquired taste.
I’ve not read the Big Book, but I’m so grateful of its existence because it laid the foundation for other 12 step programs. Though it was written 86 years ago, it’s still relevant today.
Thanks, Tom. Great to read about AA onSubstack. I'm a long-term Al-Anon member in Australia. As a child I had problems with my mother's drinking. Found Al-Anon in my 30s and never looked back. Love the wisdom in the Big Book and all 12-Step literature. Love the anarchy of 12 Steps recovery--take what you like and leave the rest, choose your own concept of a higher power.. I keep coming back because I love to hear others' stories of how the Steps work for them so I can take away a gift for myelf every time and know that I have exchanged my gft of self with them. Still in wonder at how I can find serenity with a bunch of people I would never otherwise meet, some of whom I do not even like much, and share in healing our wounds with acceptance, compassion, gentleness and love.
Thank you!! I was SO closed minded when I got to AA BECAUSE I was convinced it was just crazy old white men spouting off on God. But nothing else worked…again and again and again…and so I finally got sober in the rooms of AA, I actually had to listen for the message, engage in some actual humility, and familiarize myself with the literature.
Thanks for this, Tom. As a recovering Gambler I too have read/am reading the Big Book.
My theory (from early on) was simply - surely, if this book wasn't the bible for recovering addicts, it would have been rewritten by one of the fellowships that came after AA.
Hey Sean. Thanks for reading this, and for your comment.
I know some of the other fellowships use the Big Book, but a lot of them do have their own equivalent. E.g. the NA Basic Text. Btw, the NA version of the Twelve and Twelve, called “It Works: How and Why,” is fantastic.
I learned a few days ago that AA World Services published the “Plain Language Big Book” in November. I ordered a copy and it should be here any day now.
A not so tiny rant.
I've been really disappointed and upset with the amount of disinformed vitriol the Program (AA) receives in social media spaces.
I recommended it to someone in a local sub Reddit and was absolutely bombarded by comments calling it a parasitic religion or a cult.
It is none of those things.
I very patiently addressed every question and accusation and ended up getting blocked and banned! It was a very off putting experience.
And it's not just randos on Reddit.
I've heard Sam Harris (among others) put down AA by saying that statistics show that statistically, people have a better chance of quitting on their own than through AA.
This is such insanely flawed reasoning that it's hard to even take it seriously.
The Program is for people who have been consistently UNABLE to quit on their own.
If someone can just stop drinking on their own, they don't need AA.
It's like saying a doctor who specializes in trying to cure hopeless, incurable diseases, doesn't have a very good track record. 🤦♂️
Yeah! Because they are trying to do the impossible. They are trying to produce a miracle!
If they save a handful of lives, it's a miracle.
Anyway, thanks for letting me rant.
❤️
J.
People are almost never moderate about this. There are those who believe AA is the only way that works, and those who think it's terrible, or even hate it.
What I have seen over the years is that people are inclined to think *this is the only approach that worked for me, so this is the only approach that works*. In other words, they project their shit onto other people.
I try to be impartial. I often say to clients, "I don't care how you get sober. I care that you get sober." I don't need them to do what I did. I want to help them find a way that works for them, and that is sustainable.
Some people in my world see me as a heretic because of this. I don’t fault them because there was a time when I thought the same way.
We see this black and white thinking (which, by the way, is a symptom of codependency) not only with paths to recovery, but within Twelve Step programs.
Some people believe you should work the steps slowly and methodically. Others insist you should get through them all in one day. Some say someone should only sponsor others if they have been sober for at least a year. Others believe you should should start sponsoring others right after you blow through the steps in 24 hours.
I'm reminded of something I used to hear from old-timers very early on in my recovery, "I resigned from the debating society."
I strive for moderation and where it's hardest for me to stay moderate is the value of getting sober with group support. I don't swim alone. Then again I got sober in 2003 under the guidance of an old timer in a meeting where he was being sponsored by another old timer. They had what I wanted. I asked them how they got it and shamelessly copied their work. Then he nudged me to sponsor sooner than I felt able. Over two decades later we still aren't friends but have all been to each other's weddings and our lives our immeasurably richer. I doubt a sobriety app would have done that.
I lurk in Reddit once a month or so and wonder how many of those folks really want to get sober or are just window shopping for sobriety. It's always easier to tear something down than build and sadly social media is often where nuance goes to die.
Holly Whitaker (Quit Like a Woman) really did a number on AA in sobriety circles for the young-ish (under 40) crowd. She writes (I’m paraphrasing) that AA is anti feminist, that admitting powerlessness is succumbing to the patriarchy.
I *found* my strength in admitting the powerless. And it didn’t have to get weird, either. If I drank, I wanted more. End of story.
So many of my friends struggle and struggle and struggle but haven’t found themselves in the rooms because of these stereotypes. Alas. I will say, these friends come to me to talk - especially during particularly brutal hangovers - and I am here — the only copy of the big book they may ever see, as they say.
Thank you. I’m continually impressed by the depth of simple accessible wisdom in the Big Book, 13+ years into my own sobriety journey.
I will add a pitch for the Joe & Charlie Tapes, though I suspect it’s a particular kind of alcoholic that feels the same affinity as I do for them. I just love how unpretentious they are, plus there is something about the timelessness of it: that these men from a different era and culture from me can speak to the same issues I and others face. I know, though, that not everyone gets the same warm fuzzy feeling I do listening to AM radio, so it’s probably more an acquired taste.
As someone who has written for most of his life, I'll add that the quality of the writing in the book is remarkable.
I have probably read pp. 86-88 at least a thousand times, and it is just a marvelous piece of prose: nothing extra, nothing out of place.
A design for living that really works
I’ve not read the Big Book, but I’m so grateful of its existence because it laid the foundation for other 12 step programs. Though it was written 86 years ago, it’s still relevant today.
Thanks, Tom. Great to read about AA onSubstack. I'm a long-term Al-Anon member in Australia. As a child I had problems with my mother's drinking. Found Al-Anon in my 30s and never looked back. Love the wisdom in the Big Book and all 12-Step literature. Love the anarchy of 12 Steps recovery--take what you like and leave the rest, choose your own concept of a higher power.. I keep coming back because I love to hear others' stories of how the Steps work for them so I can take away a gift for myelf every time and know that I have exchanged my gft of self with them. Still in wonder at how I can find serenity with a bunch of people I would never otherwise meet, some of whom I do not even like much, and share in healing our wounds with acceptance, compassion, gentleness and love.
Thank you!! I was SO closed minded when I got to AA BECAUSE I was convinced it was just crazy old white men spouting off on God. But nothing else worked…again and again and again…and so I finally got sober in the rooms of AA, I actually had to listen for the message, engage in some actual humility, and familiarize myself with the literature.
Here’s my take on reading the big book today : https://recoverettes.substack.com/p/on-reading-the-big-book
Thanks for this, Tom. As a recovering Gambler I too have read/am reading the Big Book.
My theory (from early on) was simply - surely, if this book wasn't the bible for recovering addicts, it would have been rewritten by one of the fellowships that came after AA.
Hey Sean. Thanks for reading this, and for your comment.
I know some of the other fellowships use the Big Book, but a lot of them do have their own equivalent. E.g. the NA Basic Text. Btw, the NA version of the Twelve and Twelve, called “It Works: How and Why,” is fantastic.
I learned a few days ago that AA World Services published the “Plain Language Big Book” in November. I ordered a copy and it should be here any day now.