“Sensitivity in an insensitive culture, in a culture that does not prize sensitivity, is more of a burden than a gift.”
-David Sauvage
My mom labeled me “sensitive” as a kid. And, although this made me feel special, and understood, I always knew, as I know now, it wasn’t true.
It’s not that I was sensitive, really. It’s that I wasn’t as callous as the males around me. I wasn’t numb.
Merriam-Webster shows five different definitions for the adjective, sensitive, depending on the context in which it’s used. The following definition relates to the way my mom used it, and the way so many others use it in our culture.
3 : highly responsive or susceptible: such as
a (1) : easily hurt or damaged
especially : easily hurt emotionally
(2) : delicately aware of the attitudes and feelings of others
Susceptible … easily hurt … delicately aware. This is how we categorize the outliers in our society - the people who do not suffer from alexithymia (difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotional responses). The people like me, who refuse to be numb.
It’s nonsense. Anyone who bears a cursory understanding of emotional intelligence knows it’s a strength, and not a weakness. Yet, we live in a society where what we call “sensitivity” is generally met with contempt.
In 2021, I interviewed the author and empathy expert David Sauvage for my podcast, The Path to Authenticity. The quote at the beginning of this post comes from that conversation. You can listen to that episode here.
What I love most about this conversation is that David echoed my sentiment that, if we are ever going to live in a better world, free from the hostility toward emotional literacy, emotional intelligence, sooner or later, we’ll have to fight for it.
Here is an excerpt from that conversation. To read the entire transcript, click here.
David Sauvage: Maybe what we need to do, a little at a time, is to appreciate those moments where that world that is oriented around sensitivity, empathy, care, shows up, because, it is here. It is here sometimes, and we feel it. And, let's give ourselves credit, and let's give people credit for embodying it ... That feels like part of it. And, then there's another part of it, too, that's bubbling up in me. It's a whole different archetype. And, it's a bit of the warrior archetype ... There's a part of me that also wants to fight for it. And, I don't actually think it's enough to hold with love, and care, and compassion, the emergent, new, beautiful world. I do think that some of us are going to need to stand inside the old world, or at least at the threshold, and say things like “enough. This needs to stop.” ... We need to recognize that the people who are running the show are not in their hearts, are not aware of their own emotional experience, and therefore, by definition, are not attuned to others, and that the power that they have accumulated, by virtue of navigating an inhuman system, should not be theirs ... I don't accept it. I will stand up and say “no.” And, more and more of us need to do that, too.
In this society, especially in this dystopian time, when truth is no longer the benchmark it used to be, and where we tolerate unspeakable violence toward school children, to be connected to your heart is an act of defiance. It takes courage.
If you’re like me, if you’re someone who people call “sensitive” because you refuse to succumb to cynicism, I hope you realize what a powerful decision that is …
To refuse to succumb to the cynicism that tells us to be emotional is to be fragile, and weak.
To refuse to be numb.
To feel it, rather than resist it, whatever it is.
In doing so, to challenge the status quo.
To defy convention by embracing your emotional experience.
To accept the burden; to acknowledge the value, and the power, of sensitivity.
Glossary of Feelings entry XII
Hope (noun)
desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment
This Week in History
March 24, 1874 - Famous magician and escape artist Harry Houdini was born in Budapest, Austria-Hungary.
March 25, 1634 - Under a charter granted to Lord Baltimore, and led by his brother Leonard Calvert, the Catholic colony of Maryland was founded.
March 26, 1804 – United States Congress orders removal of Native Americans east of the Mississippi River to Louisiana Territory.
March 27, 1513 - Spaniard Juan Ponce de León and his expedition first sight Florida.
March 28, 1804 - Ohio passes law restricting movement of blacks.
March 29, 845 CE - Paris was sacked by Viking raiders, believed to be led by Ragnar Lothbrok, who collected a huge ransom in exchange for leaving.
March 30, 1840 - Beau Brummell, English dandy famous for his fashion style of simplicity and elegance, dies of syphilis at 61.
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What I’m Reading
Blood Meridian, by Cormac McCarthy
Theft by Finding: Diaries 1977-2002, by David Sedaris
The Atlantic
What I’m Watching
Warrior on Max
Shogun on Hulu
The Regime on HBO
What I’m Listening To
Double Time, Leon Redbone
Mingus Ah Um, Charles Mingus
Journaling Prompt for the Week #13 of 2024
Are you someone who has been called sensitive? If so, describe what it was like for you to be regarded this way. If not, who is someone close to you who is regarded as sensitive, and how do you perceive them?
Thanks for reading. Have a great week.