“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”
-Theodore Roosevelt
Back in February, I wrote about something I once heard a mentor say. “When it comes to love, if you don’t show it, it doesn’t count.” I described how that statement reinforced my core belief that love is more an action than it is a sentiment.
In saying that, he also compelled me to establish a practice that sets the tone in my close relationships. When interacting with the people in my life, if I experience feelings of fondness, appreciation, gratitude, love, et cetera, I speak it. When I see good in them, I say it.
I make a point to tell them how I feel.
“I really like that about you.”
“I want you to know how much I appreciate our friendship.”
“I’m so grateful to have you in my life.”
“I love you.”
“You are a good man.”
Sometimes, depending on the person, or the nature of our relationship, I explain to them that I decided, at one point in my life, to be intentional in this way. If we’re close, they already know this about me.
In our society we trivialize feelings. We trivialize emotions. We behave as though they don’t really matter.
Just this morning, I watched an Instagram reel, featuring a prominent minister who said, “I think feelings are irrelevant.” What happened to “always let your conscience be your guide.”
If we pay attention to the messages we get around emotions, this trivialization can seem like the best-case scenario. The evangelist went on to say, “feelings are very deceptive and misleading.” This is a man in a position of influence telling us to disregard our emotions.
It took me a long time to realize that, rather than my emotions, I needed to disregard people like him.
Emotions are the currency of connection.
The reason I tell people how I feel about them is because I want to fortify the connection we have. I want to deepen our relationship. I want to cultivate intimacy.
The reason negative messages around feelings are so destructive is because they inhibit us from being close to other people. They teach us to distance ourselves from others.
What’s worse, these messages train us to disconnect from our authentic selves. They encourage us to be someone other than who we are.
This practice of articulating my feelings for another person has helped me begin to deconstruct the walls within, created by these negative messages pertaining to emotions. It has not only deepened my connection with others. It has strengthened my connection with myself.
When I say to you, “I love you,” I’m saying to myself, “I am someone whole loves wholeheartedly.”
“I am someone who shares love freely.”
This week’s journaling prompt is about the people we care about, and whether we’ve made it clear to them.
Glossary of Feelings entry XIII
Irritated (adjective)
experiencing interference with, or disturbance of, peace of mind
This Week in History
March 31, 1596 – René Descartes, French philosopher (I think, therefore I am), was born in Descartes, Indre-et-Loire, France.
April 1, 1748 – The ruins of Pompeii are rediscovered by Spaniard Roque Joaquín de Alcubierre.
April 2, 1865 – Confederate President Jefferson Davis flees Confederate capital of Richmond, Virginia.
April 3, 1043 –Edward the Confessor crowned King of England.
April 4, 1789 – First United States Congress begins regular sessions during George Washington's presidency at Federal Hallin New York City.
April 5, 1722 – Dutch navigator Jacob Roggeveen is the first European to discover Easter Island (Rapa Nui) in the southeastern Pacific.
April 6, 2010 – Wilma Mankiller, Native American activist and first female chief of the Cherokee Nation, died of cancer at age 64.
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What I’m Reading
Blood Meridian, by Cormac McCarthy
What I’m Watching
Warrior on Max
Shogun on Hulu
Major League Baseball
NBA Basketball
What I’m Listening To
O.C.M.S., Old Crow Medicine Show
Steamin’ with the Miles Davis Quintet
Journaling Prompt for the Week #14 of 2024
Write about three people in your life who you care about. Do they know it? Have you made it clear to them? What is something you could say to each of them about your feelings for them?
Thanks for reading. Have a great week.